And In Case You Were Wondering

so my  life is going to hell slowly in front of my eyes, and there's nothing i can do to stop it anymore.

p.s i'm going to be the creepy cat lady when i grow old.  and i'm totally fine with that.

i have to get rid of my cat.  well,  he's going to be staying with a friend, but if you know me, than you know i'm not okay with my baby boy leaving me.  and he wont be fine either. my cats the only thing i've ever had this long, and i love him more than i should, but that little fuck is my life.

he starts to panic if we're not in the same room, so i'm betting Cyrus wont do that well without me at all. 

::sigh:: i guess things aren't turning out as well as i had hoped.
i miss him already.

so i moved back to auburn and i am the happiest i could ever be. 

things are going to change and i'm not letting this go again.  i can't.  not if i really wanna be happy again.

::makes out with livejournal::

it's been far too fucking long since i've been on a computer. 
so chassidy and I moved to the middle of nowhere (Bowdion) with her step sister.  it sucks.  there isn't a phone there, or internet, or cable or anything really.  i hate it more than anything but at least it's a place to sleep and my cat's are safe. 

hopefully we're going to move back to town really soon, cause i don't know how much longer i can deal with their bull shit.

gjkfdljhlah

"Oh Darling, all of these awkward
jump-start stalling conversations
mean much more to me than anything."

i forgot how much i love straylight run.

i still don't have a job, but what can you expect?

i finally took out my gauges, and man do i look redick.  everyone else is happy about it cause they said they were too big, but whatever, i still miss them.  my ears will never look the same now haha.


i haven't seen my friends in forever.  i haven't really seen anyone in forever.
there's so many people i miss horribly.

i'm horrible at writing in this thing more than once a month, but whatevs.
we live with Heddy and Dan and Nick.  Shit's going pretty well. 

Chassidy and I have been together for almost a year and 4 months.  It's kind of crazy being so in love, i never thought it would be like this.  But i couldn't imagine being with anyone else.  she's the best thing that's ever happened to me and i couldn't have asked for anything else.  I love her more than anything i'll ever love.  she's all i've ever wanted and all i'll ever need.

:)

i suck at everything.  i'm a horrible girlfriend.  i can't find a job cause no one wants to hire a stupid punk.

so...what's the point again?

i miss my cat.
and eating more than once every other day.
and people not yelling at me for nothing.

i miss when i didn't fuck everything up all the time.

thank God for my girlfriend.  otherwise, who knows how bad i'd be, or what i'd be doing.

nannon had a baby.
she's the cutest thing i've ever seen.

i want a baby. 





haha yeah, right.

i never post anything interesting anymore.

hmm.

i need a life changing event.

so lately i've been thinking a lot about everything.  probably because i have nothing better to do while i'm in the falls.  but, anyways, i've come to the conclusion that i have no idea what i want anymore.  things just get worse and worse with each passing day and it's getting to the point where i'm sick of waking up everyday and wondering "who's going to say something today?"  it's just getting old, and i'm tired.  i'm tired of everything.  yes, it's true, you only have one life, so live it up, but what if you hate the one you're living so much that you'd give it up?  

i just want to be somewhere else.  far away, where no one knows my name or the things i've done.  i'd love to start over and i'm sure it's not too late.  

i just know she wouldn't go with me.

I've been in the falls for about a month now, and nothing has changed.  I figured maybe i could make things better if i were here, but i can't.  i'm still not working, though i'm not trying very hard, i know it wont get me anywhere.  here was just my next oppertunity.  I'm starting to think things will never get better and i'll always be doing this.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's fun, but other times it gets so old and i'm just so tried of trying to find my next fix or my next place to stay.  i need to get out of maine.  there isn't anything for me here.  she's the only thing keeping me going.  


i wonder what we'll do next.

 I'm almost positive that i'm going to loose my mind here.  i'm in fayette, in the middle of the woods.  anyone who knows me knows i'm a city kid.  i hate the woods.  there's so many bugs out here, i've almost had an anxitity attack a few times.  

and not to mention the people here are fucking crazy!  i just don't want to be here anymore.  

she's the only thing keeping me remotely sane at the moment.  i wish there were somewhere else we could stay, just for a little while until we figure something else out.  
i hate this more than anything.  shit never gets better.  

"where do we go from failure?"  is all i can think about.  


someone please say my name so i know i'm alive.

today is our 1 year.
didn't think we'd last this long, 
but i'm so glad we did.

i love you baby girl.

soooo.  i'm never drinking again.

Chassidy and I got back together yesterday. 
I wonder if she hates loving me. 
cause i know she loves to hate me.
haha.

i hope things work out this time.

 DAMN THIS HEART OF MINE!

just kidding.  i'm glad we're back together.  i've missed her so much. 
i hated having to pretend i didn't care that she left.  i just hate sympathy haha. 

things are just a little awkward right now, but i mean, it's not like i can change it.

Chassidy and I broke up the other day, and I didn't think i would be this ok with it.  I've been hanging out with all my friends and doing what i want to do.  It's kind of weird only worring about my self, but i know things will be ok.

Good thing i've got chelsea.
she's keeping me sane.